I Demand You Wear Less Clothes!


I suspect I’m about to be labeled for my idiosyncratic ideas. But hear me out. If you are in the northern hemisphere you might have noticed that the weather has definitely cooled off just a tad. In Montreal we’re reaching the single digits for highs and I have even witnessed a flurry. Thankfully I was ensconced in a bar with a beer and crying into a beer is saved for other occasions of much more dire circumstances.

Now, I remember my high school models of the Earth. As the Earth rotates and wobbles on its axis we are treated to a change of seasons.

However, I would like to present an alternative view and a solution to this slow descent into the marauding madness of winter. Have you noticed that as the weather gets colder you tend to wear more clothes? You bundle up in parkas, toques (and for those non-Canadians who don’t know what toque is, you’re missing out), gloves, hats, sealskin and rabbit fur and more besides.

What if the reason for the general depression into Winter is due to us wearing more clothes? What if the mere need to wear more clothes accelerates the onset of winter?

I present to you exhibit “A”. When I was a child my eyesight started to deteriorate. To halt this sudden blindness (so acutely shown when a tennis ball hit me in the face when I was playing tennis at the age of seven), my parents hastily convened a meeting with the optometrist/ophthalmologist who nonchalantly insisted I correct my eyes with glasses. Wonderful.

The eyes of children are unfortunately quite unstable. My eyes decided to adjust to these new peripherals and then some. They adjusted to just below the threshold of perfect vision. Every six months thereafter, my favourite optometrist would continue to play a game of cat and mouse with my eyesight. He would exasperatedly correct my vision to near perfect and my eyes would drop in vision to non perfect, whereupon he would sigh and the process would start all over.

So taking this example, here’s what I propose happens: The weather drops in temperatures and we wear more clothes than necessary because we are unsure about our ability to handle this sudden coolness. To adjust, the temperature drops a bit more to prevent us from getting all sweaty underneath our jackets. We react badly. We swear at the sky, pull on an extra jacket and grumble our way out the door. And so the cycle begins again.

It is time to stop this insanity.

I demand all in the city of Montreal and beyond wear less clothes and warm the temperatures up.

Imagine a world where we all walk around in swimwear in the middle of December with balmy temperatures in the middle of the city of Montreal! I know we can make this dream come true without global warming. Wear less clothes and set yourself free from the tyranny of the temperatures!

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